- Parody Title : Carfax Abbey
- Original Song Title : Hotel California
- Original Artist Title : The Eagles
On a dark Transylvanian highway
Cool wind in my hair
Dark stench of Dracula
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There he stood in the doorway
I heard the mansion bell
And I was thinking to myself
"This could be Heaven or this could be heck"
Then he lit up a candle
And he showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Carfax Abbey
Such a gloomy place
Such a scary face
Plenty of room at the Carfax Abbey
Any time of night, you can find him here
His mind is vampire-twisted
He got the coffin beds
He got lots of pretty, pretty girls
That he calls wives
How they fly in the moonlight
Bats flapping wings
Some dread to remember
Some want to forget
So I called up the count
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here
Since 1369"
And still those voices are calling
From far away
Waking you up in the middle of the night
Just to here them say
Welcome to the Carfax Abbey
Such a gloomy place
Such a scary face
They livin' it up at the Carfax Abbey
What a bad surprise
Bring your coffin
No mirrors on the ceiling
The red champagne on ice
And he said, "We are all just prisoners here
Of my own device"
And in the Count's chambers
They gathered for the feast
The turn on me with their steely knives
But they just can't kill me
'Cause I had my cross and garlic
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax," said the dead man
We are programmed to receive
You can checkout any time you like
But you can never leave
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