Apples To Apples - Basic Set - Red Apples (1999 Printing)

• A Car Crash - "Hey, it was an accident!"
• A Cheap Motel - No extra charge for the cockroaches.
• A Crawl Space - Where you'll find something the cat dragged in.
• A Flat Tire - "Whaddya mean, there's no spare?"
• A High School Bathroom - "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" -Alexander Pope
• A Honeymoon - America's top honeymoon spots are Hawaii, Niagara Falls, Las Vegas and Florida. You can get there by air, land, sea ... or shotgun.
• A Locker Room - Insert Superbowl postgame show or "Porky's" clip here.
• A Morgue - "Given strange eons, even death may die..." -H.P. Lovecraft
• A Sunrise - "But he who kisses the joy as it flies/ Lives in eternity's sunrise." -William Blake
• A Sunset - The sun never set on the British Empire ... because God didn't trust the English in the dark.
• A Used Car Lot - One of the most honest places around. Honest ...
• Abraham Lincoln - 1809-65, 16th US president, led the Union to victory in the American Civil War and abolished slavery. Was assassinated for his efforts.
• Adolph Hitler - 1889-1945, turned Germany into a military dictatorship, caused the slaughter of millions and launched World War II.
• Albert Einstein - 1879-1855, German-born American physicist and Nobel laureate, created theories of relativity.
• Alfred Hitchcock - 1899-1980, British-born American director and producer of brilliant psychological thrillers. Right, mother? MOTHER!
• Americans - How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY! WE'RE SUING!
• Andy Warhol - 1928-1987, American painter and filmmaker, a leader in the pop art movement. Famous for slightly more than 15 minutes.
• Anne Frank - 1929-45, German Jewish girl whose diary told of her family's hiding from the Nazis. She died in a concentration camp.
• Antarctica - Home to the lowest temperature ever recorded anywhere on earth, -88.3 C (126.9 F).
• Apples - More than 40 million metric tons are produced worldwide every year. How 'bout them apples?
• At My Parent's House - Like Never-Never land, you're never seen as an adult here.
• Atomic Bombs - Italian physicist Enrico Fermi succeeded in producing the first nuclear reaction in 1942, at the University Of Chicago.
• Attack On Pearl Harbor - "Yesterday, December seventh, 1941, a date which will live in infamy..." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
• Babe Ruth - 1895-1948, American baseball legend, and one heck of a candy bar!
• Baby Showers - Baby showers may bring flowers ...
• Bad Dogs - Bad dog, bad dog, what'cha gonna do?
• Baked Potatoes - Hot potato, couch potato, potato head, twice baked, half-baked, ... whatever.
• Bangkok - Capital and principal city oh Thailand. Location: near the Gulf of Siam. Population: six million. Reputation: seedy
• Barfing - We didn't want to bring that up ...
• Barney - Purple dinosaur. "I love you, you love me, blah, blah, blah ... "
• Bart Simpson - Fictional animated character. Don't have a cow, man!"
• Beethoven - 1770-1827, German composer, considered one of the greatest of the western world.
• Being In Love - "Love's like the measles, all the worse when it comes late." -Douglas Jerrold
• Berlin - 1945 - Adolph Hitler's last stand. Bunker ... I mean -hunker down, soldier.
• Bill Clinton - 1946- , popular, yet embattled, 42nd president of the United States. Just ask Monica Lewinsky
• Bill Gates - 1955- , Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft Corporation. A very rich guy.
• Billboards - Only 1,254 miles to Wall Drug ...
• Black Holes - The gravitational field of a black hole is so strong that nothing, including light, can escape from its vicinity.
• Blizzard - Extreme cold, strong winds, and a head snowfall. Also known as Canada.
• Blood - A healthy human body contains between five and six quarts of blood. Bloody right they do!
• Body Surfing - When you're too cheap to buy a surfboard.
• Bonbons - Sweets for the sweet ...
• Brad Pitt - 1963- , American actor and heart-throb.
• Bubbles - "Tiny bubbles, in the wine/ Tiny bubble make me feel fine ..." -Don Ho
• Bungee Jumping - Another sport hanging on by a thread
• Cactus - Require little care and exhibit bizarre forms. As such, they are often mistaken for Survivalists.
• California - Sacramento is its capital, Los Angeles its largest city. Here we come.
• Canada - Federated country of North America. The Great White North - eh?
• Canadians - How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fifteen. Fourteen to chip it out of the ice, and one to screw it in.
• Captain Kirk - Fictional starship captain. "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life on this planet!" -bumper sticker, c. 1980s
• Car Horns - Blow it, buddy!
• Carl Sagan - 1934-1996, American astronomer and pioneer exobiologist. Touched many lives. Billions and billions of them.
• Celine Dion - 1968 - , Canadian singer whose heart will go on ...
• Chains - Gold or iron: name your shackles.
• Challenger Explosion - "Without a wish, without a will/ I stood upon that silent hill/ and stared into the sky ..." - Ralph Hodgeson
• Charging Rhinos - How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away its credit cards.
• Cher - 1946- , American singer and actor, who makes aging look good.
• Chicago - Third largest city in the United States. Our kind of town.
• Chimpanzees - Sure, they're related to us; but they don't write, and they NEVER call!
• China - The most populous country in the world, more than one-fifth of the world's total population lives within its borders.
• Cigarettes - Nearly 50 million people in the US smoke roughly 570 billion cigarettes a year. Not each, of course.
• Cinco de Mayo - Mexican Independence Day: the Fifth of May. !Vamos a celebrar!
• Cindy Crawford - 1966- , American Supermodel. What dreams are made of.
• Clark Gable - 1901-60, American film actor, noted as a romantic lead. Frankly, my dear, he didn't give a damn.
• Claude Monet - 1840-1926, French impressionist painter, regarded as one of the leaders of the movement.
• Cleopatra - c. 69-30 BC, Queen of Egypt, noted for love affairs with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, which came back to bite her in the asp.
• Clint Eastwood - 1930- , American motion-picture actor and director, past mayor of Carmel, California. Has earned fistfuls of dollars.
• Cocaine - Alkaloid obtained from leaves of the coca plant and used as a local anesthetic and abused as a drug.
• Cockroaches - Annoying insects that can survive a nuclear war. Fortunately, they can't survive the heel of your shoe.
• Communists - "From each, according to their ability, to each according to their need." I need a new Ferrari.
• Commuting - The daily grind. And we're not talking coffee.
• Computers - British mathematician Charles Babbage worked out the principles of the modern digital computer in the late 1800s.
• Confucius - c. 551-479 BC, K'ung Fu-Tzu, Chinese philosopher and one of the most influential figures in Chinese history.
• Corn On The Cob - Native to the Americas, corn was a staple food of the continent for many centuries before corn holders were invented.
• Cow-Pies - When dried, these "cow chips" are hurled discus-like over great distances. It's true.
• Custer's Last Stand - 1866, Little Big Horn. Very big mistake.
• Dandruff - Dry skin on your scalp? Sounds a bit flaky.
• Democrats - Their symbol is the donkey, or ass. Insert your own joke here.
• Dennis Rodman - 1961- , American professional basketball player and full-time human oddity.
• Detroit - The Motor City is the world's foremost automobile manufacturing center, and the seventh largest city in the US.
• Diamonds - The hard facts: "diamond" is derived from the Greek word "adamas", or "invincible," a highly refractive crystalline allotrope.
• Discovering America - 1492, Christopher Columbus discovered that America was discovered centuries before he arrived.
• Disneyland - You've just won the "Apples to Apples Grand Masters' Tournament. Where are you gonna go?
• Doing The Dishes - You wash, I'll watch.
• Dr. Kevorkin - 1928- , Controversial advocate of doctor-assisted suicide.
• Dr. Seuss - 1904-1991, Theodor Suess Geisel , the cat who came up with "The Cat in the Hat."
• Duct Tape - All-purpose, ... all the time ...
• Earthquakes - The Richter scale is named after the American seismologist Charles Richter. Did the earth move for you?
• East Coast - From New England to Florida. They're not like folks 'round here ...
• Eleanor Roosevelt - 1884-1962, First Lady, social activist, author, lecturer, and US Representative to the United Nations.
• Electricity - The repulsive or attractive force between two stationary bodies. If you've ever struck out at a party, you know what we're talking about.
• Elephants - The largest living land mammal, with two species: Indian and African. Not counting Dumbo, there are no American elephants.
• Elizabeth Taylor - 1932- , American actor, noted for her lush beauty, emotional performances and multiple husbands.
• Elvis Presley - 1935-77, American singer and actor and the king of rock-and-roll. His death left the music world all shook up.
• Emily Dickinson - 1830-86, American poet, whose lyrics are psychologically astute treatments of love, death, and immortality. Take that.
• Ernest Hemingway - 1899-1961, American novelist and short-story writer, whose macho style is crisp, laconic, and understated. Kind of like his suicide.
• Europe - The Old Country (except to people who live there).
• Eyes - Light-sensitive organ of vision in animals. See?
• Fidel Castro - 1927- , Cuban revolutionary and Communist dictator. Known for his shaggy beard, imitated by every other lefty since.
• Firefighters - Emperor Augustus instituted a corps of firefighting "watchmen" in 24 BC. Nero on the other hand, fiddled while Rome burned.
• Firestorms - Some severe wildfires require more than 10,000 firefighters. And, wouldn't you know it, some idiot parked in front of the hydrant!
• First Man On The Moon - July 20, 1969. "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." -Neil A. Armstrong
• Fourth Of July - "Independence Day" in the United States. "Thank Goodness We Got Rid of Them Day" in Britain.
• Frank Sinatra - 1917-1998, the greatest American popular singer of his generation, and successful actor. Do-be do-be do, baby.
• Friction - Resistance to the motion of a body in contact with another body ... any body will do.
• Funerals - "He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead." - Anonymous
• Fur - The characteristic covering of mammals and people with money.
• Fuzz - Lint ... Policemen ... Whatever ...
• Gang Members - "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way..." -West Side Story
• Garth Brooks - 1962- , American country music singer and songwriter. He's got friends in low places.
• Getting A Hug - Hmmmm ... nice.
• Ghosts - Nonmaterial embodiments or the essence of organisms (mostly human beings). Quite spirited
• Giant Squid - Going fishing for giant squid? Nautilus I have to ...
• Giving A Hug - "One may give without loving; but none can love without giving." -Anonymous
• Going To School - Secondary education? It's elementary.
• Going To The Dentist - This won't hurt a bit ...
• Going To The Gym - No pain, no gain.
• Golf-Ball-Sized Hail - ... which is almost as impressive as hail-sized golf balls ...
• Gravity - 1684: The law of gravitation was formulated by English physicist Sir Isaac Newton, who recognized the gravity of the situation.
• Hairballs - Cough it up, kitty ...
• Handcuffs - For police business or personal pleasure.
• Hangnails - We've fingered the cause of the pain.
• Having An Operation - What a cutup! A real stitch.
• Hawaii - The eight islands that make up America's 50th state entered the Union on August 21, 1959.
• Helen Keller - 1880-1968, American author and lecturer who overcame deafness and blindness with the help of Anne Sullivan.
• High School Football - The whole ten yards!
• Hillary Rodham Clinton - 1947- , American First Lady, lawyer, and ever-suffering wife of US presiden Bill Clinton.
• Hiroshima - 1945 - "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds" - J. Robert Oppenheimer, on the detonation of the first atmoic bomb.
• Hockey - Did you hear about the big fight last night? All of a sudden, a hockey game broke out!
• Hollywood - Motion picture and television industry center of the world. There are also reasons to like it.
• Homer Simpson - Fictional cartoon character created by Matt Groening. Father knows least. D'oh!
• Homework - Finally, something to do during commercials.
• Hooligans - "Hey! Kids! Get outta my yard!"
• Hot Lava - There's no better way to serve it.
• Hummingbirds - Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words ... ... da-dum, dum!
• Humphrey Bogart - 1899-1957, American film actor, starring in such classics as "The Maltese Falcon", and "Casablanca".
• Icebergs - May reach 300 to 500 feet above the sea's surface. Ask RMS Titanic about the 90 percent that's UNDER water.
• Industrial Revolution - The first Industrial Revolution occurred in Great Britain at the end of the 1700s. The second came with the invention of "the Clapper."
• Infomercials - One of these days, one of them may even say something informative.
• Inside The Sun - Consisting mostly of hydrogen, the temperature reaches almost 16,000,000 K (about 29,000,000 F).
• Italy - A European Republic. The capital city is Rome.
• Jacques Cousteau - 1910-1997, French naval officer, marine explorer, author. Best known as a documentary filmmaker.
• James Bond - Fictional British secret agent created by English author Ian Fleming. Shaken, but never stirred.
• James Dean - 1931-1955, American actor of film, stage, and television, whose role in "Rebel Without a Cause" helped define cool.
• Japan - An Asian constitutional monarchy. The capital city is Tokyo, when it's not being ravaged by atomic monsters.
• Japanese - How many Japanese does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who needs light bulbs when you've got OUR new technology!
• Joan Of Arc - 1412-31, patron saint of France who decisively turned the tide of the Hundred Years' War, which really burned her up.
• John F. Kennedy - 1917-63, 35th president of the US. "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
• Katherine Hepburn - 1909- , American actor and winner of four Academy Awards, starred in such classics as "The African Queen.
• Killer Whales - Black and white predatory whales ... and boy can they sing!
• King Henry VIII - 1491-1547, King of England, and founder of the Church of England. Six wives, no waiting.
• Las Vegas - Incorporated as a city in 1911, the first casino opened in Las Vegas in 1946.
• Lawyers - We'd throw some joke in here, but we're afraid of getting sued.
• Leather - Leather and lace. Hold the lace.
• Leonardo Da Vinci - 1452-1519, Florentine artist, sculptor, architect, engineer, scientist, and all-around smartypants.
• Lightning - Electrical discharge between rain clouds, or between a rain cloud and the earth, or between a rain cloud and an idiot with a kite.
• Lobster - Crustaceans closely related to freshwater crayfish. Market price.
• Lollipops - Sucker!
• London - Founded even before the Romans reached England's shores, now the capital of Great Britain.
• Lucille Ball - 1911-1989, American actor and comedian. You love Lucy? I love Lucy.
• Machine Guns - Metal-cased fixed ammunition, developed during the American Civil War, made the machine gun a deadly instrument of war.
• Madonna - 1958- , American singer, songwriter and actor, whose career, creativity, and sexuality know no bounds.
• Mahatma Ghandi - 1869-1948, Indian leader and philosopher. Preached nonviolence. Was assassinated for his efforts.
• Marilyn Monroe - 1926-62, American movie star, pinup and sex symbol. Just ask the Kennedys.
• Mark Twain - 1835-1910, American writer and humorist, is best known for the adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn."
• Marriage - If love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage ... who's the horse?
• Martha Stewart - 1941- , Raised housekeeping in America to the level of art. "Now, where is my 27 yards of antique silver ribbon?"
• Martin Luther King, Jr. - 1929-1968, American civil rights leader and advocate of nonviolent resistance. Was assassinated for his efforts.
• Mexico - Federal republic in North America. The capital and largest city is Mexico City.
• Mice - "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men ..." -Robert Burns
• Michael Jackson - 1958- , American popular singer, dancer, and songwriter. Revitalized the plastic surgery profession.
• Michael Jordon - 1963- , American professional basketball legend, led Chicago to six world championships. No bull.
• Michelle Pfeiffer - 1957- , Accomplished American actor whose career began with "Grease 2." She's like us to forget that.
• Mike Tyson - 1966- , American heavyweight boxer. Lend him your ear ...
• Milk - Where's your white moustache?
• Mirrors - And now, a moment for reflection.
• Mold - Fuzzy growth produced on organic matter by several types of fungi. Particularly attracted to students' refrigerators
• Money - "The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees, just give me money ..." -Bradford/Gordy
• Morticians - Why do you hang around with THOSE stiffs ...?
• Mud - Water. Dirt. You do the math.
• My 16th Birthday - Dad, can I have the keys to the car, please?
• My Bank Account - Speaking of theoretical mathematics and unreal numbers ...
• My Bathroom - "The bathroom was drenched with their splashings" -Aldous Huxley
• My Bedroom - "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors." -Charlie Rich
• My Body - Mine is a temple. Specifically, the Temple of Doom ...
• My Boss - ... is an idiot. You know it; we know it.
• My Family - They'll drive you nuts. As long as you do the same to them, it's all even.
• My First Kiss - Sparks were flying. Of course, that could have been the braces ...
• My Future - "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades ..." -Timbuk-3
• My Hair - Hair today, gone tomorrow ...
• My High School Prom - As if adolescence isn't awkward and painful enough ...
• My Job - Love it or leave it.
• My Love Life - "All you need is love ..." -The Beatles
• My Mind - It's a terrible thing to waste.
• My Past - What's past is past ... unless you're a politician ...
• Napoleon Bonaparte - 1769-1821, Emperor of France. Met his Waterloo at the Battle of Waterloo. The name should have tipped him off ...
• New Orleans - The Big easy's Mardi Gras atmosphere and cultural blend is hard to forget.
• New York City - America's most populous city. So good, they named it twice.
• Normal Rockwell - 1894-1978, American painter, illustrator and all-around interpreter of small town American life.
• Olive Oil - Derived from fresh ripe fruit, which contain about 20% oil. Better than "olive" the other oils.
• Oprah Winfrey - 1954- , Television talk show host, actor and all-around American success story.
• Oranges - Norange, doarange, morango, sorange. Face it ... nothing rhymes with "orange".
• Oxygen - Oxygen was discovered in 1774. You'd think someone would have noticed it earlier.
• Pablo Picasso - 1881-1973, Spanish painter and sculptor, one of the greatest artists of the 20th century. If only he could draw eyes ...
• Parenting - The process of discovering you are becoming just like YOUR parents.
• Paris, France - The governmental, cultural and gastronomic capital of France. Or the world. Just ask the French.
• Paying Bills - Also known as "Debt Restructuring."
• Paying Taxes - Death or Taxes? Do we have to choose right away?
• Picking Your Nose - Noses run in our family.
• Pigeons - Birds with small heads, short necks, stout bodies, and an incredible attraction to statues.
• Pigs - Domesticated mammal of the swine family. Thaaa ... thaaa ... that's all, folks!
• Piranha - Carnivorous fish found in rivers of South America. When you feel like a bite ...
• Pit Bulls - Any of several crossbreeds of bulldogs with terriers. Or, several radio hosts we could mention.
• Plastic - Giant molecules of organic polymeric materials. Bags and bags of the stuff.
• Playing Chess - Has tantalized many of the world's greatest minds for almost 14 centuries. It just confuses the rest of us.
• Pond Scum - Simple organisms that carry out oxygen-evolving photosynthesis. ... or telemarketers, who DO NOT carry out photosynthesis.
• Princess Di - 1962-1997, Beloved English Princess who died in an auto crash. "Good-bye England's Rose..." -Elton John
• Pro Wrestling - They're just faking it. But then, so are we.
• Public Radio - "Good morning . . . . This morning . . . . . . . . . . . . .we have Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart . . . . for your listening pleasure . . ."
• Puff Daddy - 1971- , American rap artist. "I'll be Missing You" shot him to stardom; no pun intended.
• Pumping Iron - When a great weight needs to be lifted.
• Quentin Terantino - 1963- , Groundbreaking American director and actor. Nice movies, but not nearly enough blood.
• Quicksand - Just don't let it get you down.
• Rain - "When the rain comes, they run and hide their heads; they might as well be dead" -The Beatles
• Rappers - First appeared in the mid-1970s and just won't stop making a lot of ex-hippies feel VERY square and VERY old.
• Redwood Forests - "From the Redwood Forests to the Gulf Stream Waters/ This land was made for you and me." -Woody Guthrie
• Remote Controls - The world's handiest invention. Now if you could only find it.
• Republicans - A US political party symbolized by an elephant ... and don't forget it!
• Robin Williams - 1952- , versatile American comedian and actor. The furriest man in show business.
• Rock Concert - Men are from mosh ...
• Running A Marathon - 26 miles, 385 yards: the distance run by a Greek soldier from the town of Marathon to Athens in 490 BC.
• Rust - "Rust never sleeps" -Neil Young
• Saddam Hussein - 1937- , Iraqi revolutionary leader, dictator, and general bombing target.
• San Francisco - California's City by the Bay. Where many hearts are left.
• Saturn - Sixth planet from the sun, and the second largest in the solar system. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
• Scene Of The Crime - It was Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the blue stained dress ...
• Sean Connery - 1930- , Accomplished Scottish actor, although best known as the REAL Bond, JAMES Bond ...
• Sharks - Many Species living today are similar to those from 100 million years ago. Because change is scary.
• Silk - Produced as a cocoon covering by the silk worm, and used in fine fabrics and textiles.
• Skateboarding - It's just going downhill ... down stairs ... down concrete blocks ...
• Skiing - The Super Giant Slalom: Swiss for "suicide."
• Skinheads - "Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling ..." -Camper Van Beethoven
• Skydiving - What color is YOUR parachute?
• Snakes - Surprising, snakes move rapidly without legs. Also surprising, they find OTHER snakes attractive.
• Snow - Transparent ice crystals which form around dust and other small particles. Get my drift?
• Socks - "Black socks, they never get dirty, the longer you wear them the stronger they get." -Bill Harley
• South Africa - From 1948 until the early 1990s the government practiced a policy of racial segregation known as "apartheid."
• Spiders - There are more than 34,000 species of spiders. Try not to think about THAT right before bedtime.
• Spike Lee - 1957- , American movie-maker and Knicks fan. Best known for "Do the Right Thing" and "Malcolm X."
• Spit - Ladies and gentlemen, straight from the Salivary Glands ...
• Stephen King - 1947- , American author of horror novels, who's sold more than 100 million copies of his books. Talk about frightening ...
• Steven Spielberg - 1947- , American movie director and producer. Best known for, well, frankly, owning Hollywood.
• Superman - Fictional comic book superhero loved by Lois Lane and Jerry Seinfeld.
• Surfing The Net - www.get-a-life.com
• Swiss Chocolate - "What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead." -George Bernard Shaw
• Taking A Bath - Bathing facilities have been found in excavations in India from before 2000 BC. Soap-on-a-Rope hasn't.
• Teachers - If you can play this game, thank a teacher.
• Television - One-hundred and sixty-four channels, and nothing worth watching.
• Terrorist Attack - "We will not negotiate with terrorists. Now, where is that checkbook ... ?"
• Thanksgiving Day - The fourth Thursday of November in the US, the second Monday in October in Canada.
• The 1920s - Pros: the Jazz Age. Cons: Presidents who look like librarians.
• The 1950s - Pros: Breaking the sound barrier. Cons: McCarthy, the Korean War, television.
• The 1960s - Pros: the Moon Landing; the music. Cons: insufferable hippies who've never grown out of it.
• The 1970s - Pros ... uh ... pros ... uh ... GIVE US A MINUTE, OKAY?
• The 1980s - Pros: Meant the end of the 1970s. Cons: "1980s Nostalgia" has already begun.
• The 21st Century - Warning: this game is not year 2000 compatible. It may crash at any ti ##353h he12 #@@# @883 ... ...
• The Academy Awards - The statue known as "Oscar" weighs only eight and a half pounds. So why does it carry so much weight?
• The Beach - A day at the beach is no day at the beach, you know?
• The Beatles - 1960s British band. Only the most revolutionary, influential and universally acclaimed group of the 20th century. That's all.
• The Dump - Just remember to recycle.
• The Eiffel Tower - Designed and built by French engineer Alexandre Gustave Eiffel for the Paris World's Fair of 1889.
• The Electric Chair - In US prisons, an alternating current of about 2000 volts is used for electrocution.
• The First Day Of School - "Fear has many eyes." -Cervantes
• The French Riviera - Holiday home of the rich, the famous, and the half-naked.
• The Grand Canyon - 217 miles long, 4 to 18 miles wide, and more than 1 mile deeps. Now THAT'S grand.
• The Grateful Dead - American rock band, founded in 1965 and best known for their "Dead Head" fans.
• The Great Depression - Prozac was invented six decades too late.
• The Green Bay Packers - Twelve time National Football League world champions, beloved by Cheeseheads everywhere. Are the brats done yet?
• The Gulf War - January and February, 1991.
• The Indy 500 - Contestants must drive the full 500 miles. Bathroom breaks ARE allowed.
• The JFK Assassination - November 22, 1963. The funeral of President Kennedy was watched on television by millions around the world.
• The KKK - IF they're supposed to be the master race, why do they keep misspelling "Clan"?
• The Land Of Oz - "I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto." -Dorothy, "The Wizard Of Oz"
• The Mafia - A loose association of criminal groups, bound by a blood oath and sworn to secrecy. Of course, now we have to kill you.
• The Marx Brothers - Chico, Harpo, Groucho and sometimes Zeppo. 1930s films include "Animal Crackers" and "Duck Soup." "... Why a duck?"
• The Midwest - America's central plains states. They're not like folks 'round here ...
• The Milky Way - The galaxy that includes the sun, its solar system, and a chewy layer of caramel.
• The Mississippi River - The Algonquin words "Misi sipi" mean "big river." What's Algonquin for "understatement"?
• The New York Yankees - Legendary American baseball team. With so much success, it's obvious why they're reviled.
• The NRA - National Rifle Association. They're gunning for your vote.
• The Ocean - How deep is the ocean? 12,000 feet. If they'd known that, maybe they wouldn't have written that stupid song.
• The Opera - It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. Unfortunately, sometimes, not even then.
• The Pyramids - The Egyptian pyramids were built from about 2700 BC to about 1000 BC. Tut, tut, tut ...
• The Renaissance - Beginning in the 1300s, started in Italy and spread across Europe. Kind of like Espresso bars ...
• The Rolling Stones - British "bad boy" rock band formed in 1962. Still touring, surprisingly, NOT sponsored by Geritol.
• The San Andreas Fault - Geological feature in California stretching 600 miles. Like the state doesn't have enough faults already.
• The South - Dixie: South of the Mason-Dixon line that is. They're not like folks 'round here ...
• The Statue Of Liberty - "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..."
• The Universe - Everything. The big "It." Huge. Massive. Bigger even than Madonna's ego. That's right. THAT big.
• The Wright Brothers - In 1903, Wilbur and Orville made the first powered airplane flights in history. Although there were delays at the airport.
• Thomas Edison - 1847-1931, American inventor, developed a light bulb, generator, sound-recorder, and motion picture projector. Show off.
• Thunder - "Here it comes again, Thunder and Lightning..." -ELO.
• Top Of A Rollercoaster - Just remember: what goes UP ...
• Tornadoes - Funnel-shaped cloud whirling destructively at speeds up to 300 mph. "Honey, do you hear a freight train ... Honey?"
• Toys - They're not just for kids, anymore ...
• Tree Huggers - "Environmentalists" to the left. "Wackos" to the right.
• Tyrannosaurus Rex - Large carnivorous dinosaur of the latter part of the Mesozoic era. My, what big teeth you have!
• Underwear - "Jockeys or briefs, Mr. President?"
• Wall Street - The financial center of the US. See also: rollercoaster.
• Walt Disney - 1901-1966, the head of some Mickey Mouse company.
• Watching Football - Sheer athletic prowess by players in peak physical condition is a glorious thing to behold. Pass the chips and beer.
• Weddings - Ding, dong, the bells are gonna chime ...
• Wheat - Mainly used in flour. World output of wheat is more than 600 million metric tons a year ... so someone's making a lot of dough.
• Whips - "Crack that whip ... whip it, whip it good." -Devo
• Whoopie Goldberg - 1950- , American actor and comedian. Starred in such movies as "Ghost", which earned her an Academy Award ... Whoopie.
• Will Smith - 1968- , Successful American rap star, TV star and wildly successful motion picture star. He's got it all. We hate him
• William Shakespeare - 1564-1616, The English poet and playwright. And all the world IS a stage ...
• Wimbledon - Strawberries ... cream ... temper tantrums ...
• Windsurfing - Really just surfing got lazy people
• Worms - "A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that has fed of that worm." -"Hamlet" Shakespeare
• Yellowstone Park - Home to 3000 geysers and hot springs. More gas and hot air than Washington DC.

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