Lyrics:
She had the x-ray eyes of a nun
But underneath I sensed she was fun
And so I plunked down forty nine ninety five
Took her home, installed her on my hard drive
It was a date with Virtual Vivian
And my Mac and some candles and Brie
I pulled down her menus
Checked out her venues
It took only moments to see
This was the woman for me
The first girl I wanted was called Naughty Nellie
She folded in thirds and had staples in her belly
The last girl to whom I truly related
Smelled like a beach ball, had to be inflated
But she met all my needs; we were perfectly matched
But she popped and couldn't be patched
But now along comes Virtual Vivian
She's erasing the pain of the past
This innocent waif
So wanton, so safe
Was offering love that could last
And a Preferences File that was vast
But soon our bliss hit dissonant chords
I found her name on a bulletin boards
And what had seemed so solid, turned to jello
This Romeo turned to Othello
How could I share my Virtual Vivian
With a world full of weirdos like me
Yet that was the deal
I'd broken her seal
And now was a mere licensee
Is this the way love has to be
Then one day I woke in a thick mental fog
I couldn't remember the name of my dog
Who were my parents, where was my bank
Whole chunks of my memory were blank
Oh God
I caught a virus from Virtual Vivian
All the symptoms were only too plain
This cheap cyber tart
Had captured my heart
And now she was scrambling my brain
Even virtual love is in vain
I contacted all whose floppies had been in my drive
It was embarrassing; there were twenty five
And one, it turned out, was an actual analog girl
When she asked me to (?) I'm like, hey, I should give it a whirl
Cause she had rings in her nose
And she had studs in her cheek
And they were so much like staples
That I thought I would freak
And yes I, I thought I would freak
And now I'm, I'm all through with Virtual Vivian
To Yvonne I will always be true
I love that she's real and can think and can feel
But the main thing that binds us like glue
Is her Biblical, four color, full body tattoo
I'm all through with Virtual Vivian
To Yvonne I will always be true
In Yvonne I have found sweet oblivion
With her full body Bible tattoo
I'm all through with Virtual Vivian
To Yvonne I will always be true
In Yvonne I have found sweet oblivion
With her full body Bible tattoo
I'm all through with Virtual Vivian
To Yvonne I will always be true
In Yvonne I have found sweet oblivion
With her full body Bible tattoo
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